One More Light

This is originally for a friend, but I think this message applies as much to me as many of you out there:

When I heard that you said that the most recent Linkin Park song connects with you, I went and listen to their recent songs. And out of the three that I saw the MVs on, I think the one you connected with was Heavy although you didn’t mention explicitly which one it is.

However, it is not a message I wanted to give on the new chapter of your life, even if you feel that it’s nothing special and it’s just another monotonous year ahead. I wanted to pick something from their new album, an album which holds a special significance due to Chester’s departure and I know that what he felt, the thoughts that was running through his head, are also what we have both felt at different times of our lives, or maybe even right now this very moment. It is not something I’d want to shy away from but at the same time I think what had happened would cement the message that the band which you love so much is trying to convey, what I am trying to convey.

I know we have not been speaking to each other, verbally or otherwise, as much as we used to, mostly due to my constraint of time. And despite being something we had foreseen, this insight does not lessen the impact it has on us. Yet, I’m sure that this isn’t something that’ll stop my from caring about you and I wanted you to understand that as well.

So, this is how this song is chosen instead. You might ask, how is a song about passing on relatable and even fitting as a medium to talk about living on?

Should’ve stayed, were there signs, I ignored?
Can I help you, not to hurt, anymore?
We saw brilliance, when the world, was asleep
There are things that we can have, but can’t keep

People tend to be oblivious, anyone can be suffering from depression or other emotional trauma but we usually notice the physical wounds. It could be that friendly cat-lady who greet you every morning or the strict manager who always nick-pick at your work. Not every wound manifests in the visible forms. And I understand. I don’t think what you are feeling is ridiculous. Sometimes I just wish I could help even a little, to ease the pain or the emptiness there; to put goals and tiny little sparks of happiness in your days.

You are a unique and brilliant person by your own virtue. You might not see it, and it’s cheesy but, the world is asleep and blinded to wonders sometimes, but, I see it in you. The You that’s so precious amidst the countless sparkling stars. And I don’t know what future will bring, maybe it’s bleak or maybe it’s great, but I just want to value what we have here, right now. I’m not “live in the moment” type of person, yet I want you to know every moment we have is treasured by me. Just like “us”, there’s a lot of things in life also that is brief fleeting. Regardless, I still hope you can enjoy the joy they bring instead of worrying how they are going to be gone. I know I do that too much.

If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?
In the sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers
Who cares when someone’s time runs out?
If a moment is all we are
Or quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do

Not everyone we care, but there are people we care about – and they matters to us. Who cares if we will all turn to dust in the end, why does what we do and who we are matters then, right? But it does. You do. You shape the world with your presence, be it if are just a tiny flower blooming by the roadside or an astounding boom in the air.

You might not know how much a gesture you do meant to someone else, and sometimes we’ll never know. But trust me it does because I remember tiny gestures, from countless people that I might have even forgotten the names but those things they did? They made things better for me. So I’m sure yours will as well. You won’t be erased as the universe erase you. Paradoxical but the world is like that, full of tiny paradoxes.

It is in the passing of one that one learns to value the living, the insignificant people around us. And also us, ourselves that we have often taken for granted for the most. You might have dark thoughts, heck I do too. We might think our lives are meaningless, that we’re better off lying in the dusty bed under the sun and rain but maybe

Just a tiny little maybe…… We’re not.

And so, in spite of the purpose the band wrote this song for, this is my own duality spin to it.




What It Takes to Be A Doctor

Doctors, they exist in our daily life. From your family GP to specialists to someone you know who is one. They all have degrees, most of the time several in fact. But qualifications are not the topic of today. What I want to talk about is, what makes a doctor beyond his or hers qualification?

In my country, we do not need to contact a specific family doctor for appointment if we fall sick. On the contrary, when that happens, we just need to drive to the nearest or preferred physician – in hospitals or clinics, and wait for our turn to see the doctor. Thus, I have had the privilege of meeting quite a number of them and seen the many faces of doctors.

What prompt me to write this is a recent encounter with one who has or rather, lack some qualities which I deemed should be on the job description of one. I understand most doctors are very busy individuals and specialists working as surgeons often work in high stress environment. So, I’m not here to do nick picking.

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I Didn’t Mean To. So What?

As humans, we often judge our own actions based on our intentions and others’ actions based on the results.

We tend to think that, as long as we did not intend to hurt someone, it’s okay then if we do end up hurting someone, because we cannot help it. We didn’t mean it… Right?

There is a word in English called “Inconsiderate”. And I think many of us fall prey to it. We try to be nice and we can be very nice when we wanted to. We try to not be douchebags but we ended up being one sometimes anyways. We, humans, are a bunch of accidental assholes. (Well some are assholes on purpose but that is not the point here!) What’s important comes next.

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Your Actions. Not Just You.

Sometimes it’s the small things that you forget that others remember.

Ask anyone that has been bullied before, I’m sure they never forget about those experiences, even long after they happen.

Some people get over it, some doesn’t. Why? I don’t know.

Maybe it has to do with the length, or the extent of it, or maybe just how much they affected that person. Maybe they had support, maybe they are stronger. Or maybe they just do, or don’t and there is not explanations for it.

But I’m sure too that even those that got over it, it took them years. Not over the experience, but the fear that are left behind from these experiences.

You might think it’s funny when you do it, and looking back, even if these things are being pointed out to you, I doubt you would remember it.

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